So tomorrow marks the two year anniversary of me and my bf dating. In a way, I guess we were typical, because although we’d been nothing but best friends for years, the moment we started dating (the moment “a girl loves a boy”), everybody was like “finally”. Literally – somebody actually was surprised we weren’t already dating.
In those two years, quite a bit has changed. I graduated, he completely changed majors and colleges, I’m about to start a new master, … However, one thing that hasn’t changed is the fact that we’re both absolutely crazy.
In general as well as about each other.
And so I got to thinking – what is it that has made us not run screaming in the opposite direction? And here are 5 of the main things I think helped a lot for that!
A lot of it, really. No matter how you twist or turn it, you are in a relationship with someone who was raised differently than you. That means they might have different values, other priorities. Even something as simple as a different way of doing the dishes can drive you around the bend after a while!
So, yes, patience is importance – not just with your partner, but also with yourself. I can’t even tell you the amount of times I’ve gotten mad at the bf because he made me mad at myself for forgetting something. And sometimes, a bit of patience with everybody involved in the relationship is just what you need!
Sometimes you might not want to cuddle, or be social, or go to that thing your boyfriend wants to go along to. Some days your partner might not be in the mood to listen to your day. Some days it might feel like you love books more than any other person ever…
(You think I’m joking? This is a thing that happened:)
Asked the bf for his input on a new Twitter bio. His response: “Books, tea and my boyfriend. The things I love most, in that order.” #oops
— WalkingThroughPages (@SaarTalks) 4 August 2016
But here’s the thing: part of being in a relationship is also understanding that sometimes being “relationship-y” is the last thing you or your partner might want to do. And sometimes, you need to just be there for them, because that is more important than the fact that you had a crappy day…
Understanding, it’s a thing!
3. Common interests
No matter how much everybody keeps talking about how “opposites attract”, there needs to be at least some common ground in order for the relationship to last. Whether it’s an interest in history, a common love for food or even plain old a love for old cartoons…
— WalkingThroughPages (@SaarTalks) 30 August 2016
Me and the bf can literally spend hours listening to the intros from old cartoons, and we once had an almost two-hour discussion over which old school Cartoon Network show was the best.
Now of course, I’m not saying you have to do everything together. Quite frankly, I feel like that would just be boring. But having common interests and the patience and understanding to fake interest if necessary? Key!
If you can’t laugh your way through at least some problems and much of the rest of the day, you might have a problem. This might just be us, but one of the best / easiest way to get through stuff is to just find the funny side to it. Even if that is just something absolutely silly and insignificant! Sometimes laughing your way through it is just the best way to deal with anything!
5. Love is a verb
This is probably the biggest cliche ever, but it’s that for a reason.
It’s really easy to fall in love. It’s probably even easier to fall out of love. But to stay in love? Hard work!
As you’re together, you’re both going to change and grow – with and next to each other. The trick is to make sure you’re doing that together. Now, of course – there’s just some circumstances that will inevitably make you move in opposite directions. For most things though, you just plain old have to work at staying together -not just in form, but also in feelings!
I don’t remember exactly where this quote is from, but I once heard something to the extent of: “We work so hard at our job, at our body, at our friendships and then we expect to just be miraculously good at love?” And there’s so much truth in that! Relationships are hard, whether they are between family, friends, or lovers. To expect that they’ll just work out great all by themselves just isn’t very reasonable. No matter how fun it would be 🙂
Anyways, there you have it – 5 of the things that I think helped me and the bf stick it out together for 2 years at least.
That there may be many more to come!