So I’ve been playing with this idea for a while now. Last year, I figured giving myself 52 goals would be a good idea. Yeah, I don’t know what I was thinking either. But along 2017 I started following Blair Lambs Rooted-series. And something about the concept of a “Focus Word” spoke to me. Because – as I’ve said about a gazillion times now – life’s been interesting lately. And it’s been kind of difficult to deal with it. To not let my head go crazy with all the different directions it’s being pulled, to find enjoyment in all the business, to… So this year, I want to work around one word. One focus word that will guide me (hopefully – at least) through all my smaller and other goals.
The word I’ve chosen for this year is “Enough”. Originally, I thought about taking “Improve”, but then again: maybe that just goes to show that I need “Enough”.
I’m someone who wants to do the very best they can. Even if that ends up breaking me. So, for example, during the first half of 2017 I was doing a Masters and my teaching degree (basically: two years of University but in one year – literally that. No, I’m not overreacting. One year is expressed as 60 credits over here, and I had 120 that year). I was writing a Masters’ dissertation, I had to do an internship for both degrees I was taking, I was tutoring 2 times a week, juggling the bf, 3 blogposts a week, my family, my friends.
I passed both degrees. I kept writing the blogposts. I finished my dissertation in time, I finished both internships with good (excellent) feedback. I juggled and caught everything. And I still felt stupid, insufficient, and not good enough.
If I’m reading a lot of books, I’ll feel like I should be reading more. If I think me and the bf have a good relationship I’ll watch some vloggers and feel insufficient. These past couple of months, someone really close to me tried to commit suicide. Twice. They’ve been suicidal for years but I still felt like I didn’t do enough. (It didn’t help that they literally told me “I wasn’t worth staying alive for”.)
Now I’m not writing any of this to be all woe-be-me. Or to get pitty.
But here’s the common thread: I feel insufficient, too little, not doing enough, not being enough, …
And quite frankly – I’m sick of it. It’s not a new feeling, but trying to juggle everything life has been throwing at me (FINE – everything I keep on picking up), well, it’s gotten worse.
So this year, I’m focussing on ENOUGH.
On believing I’m good enough at my job.
On trusting I’m enough for my friends, the bf, my family.
On knowing I’m doing enough.
On having confidence that this blog is enough to grow, to be read, to be liked.
On daring to say I already have enough on my plate.
On just being able to say “that’s enough”.
I’m often kidding that my first tattoo would be “good enough” because I need the visual reminder. So this year, I’m trying to get it into my brain. Without the tattoo. With the focus word.
We’ll see what happens.
What are your goals for this year? Do you have any resolutions or a focus word for 2018? Be sure to let me know below!